by usual sunset

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released January 8, 2015



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usual sunset Detroit, Michigan

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Track Name: wall
intestinal aquarium
pressure on all sides
hurts to go back
knowing someone by their eyes
hurts to wake up
a nightmare's sole light
something along the spine
that closes in
painful shocks
weighted eyes
the shape of a person dictated by the walls
in and out of sleep
these unearthed things I'd hid inside
hurts to wash up
hurts to hide
Track Name: locked shut
my room froze over the first night
my eyes had frozen shut by the time I woke up
find the will to pick yourself up

off to another day
wiped out the first block
voids opening all around
lidless potholes you
always have to watch for

ran into a unicorn head
shopping for heat at the store
its horn tore right through me
stared at a frozen cat on the way home
its eyes were like mineral deposits,
a milky quartz

I was in the bathroom
locked in tonight
when I broke out all of the doors of the house had opened

has the sea frozen to the ocean floor
I don’t know I don’t live by the sea anymore
my life is such that I
sometimes blink and it’s gone
Track Name: woke up
woke up in the road another day, another crash
that didn’t leave a mark
fitting to a role in a system
no one to see you for who you are in the end

with my eyes closed, I walk to the store
to find something living for the bedroom window
steal another microwave dinner, some wine for christmas and a poinsettia
if we meet tonight, the fourth or fifth drink in
read my lips
I don’t have the money
to pay for this

I couldn't hear you knocking

I would have let you in

I was lost in a fog
I was lying on the bed

being watched by all your things

feng shui

boxes for even the cables

porn magazines on

perfect shelves
Track Name: discount
the sun is a flood
I'm drowning in
but the nights just kill me as much
some disease eating away at everything
a desperation that's too much
well, one night is better than none
thank you
thank you
I wish I had a gun
because I want to be turned off
six months without one touch
the world can be so lonely
picked up with a glove
I love you so much
where are you
where are you
unable to find anything redeeming
trash what little I've got
wake up purified
scraped clean, almost empty
everything feels
crushing and still
ziplocks of spilled skies
a gunned smile that only aimed for the window
I'm lying on the floor
and dying for love
a tape repeating inside,
a story to itself
people longing for a place where no one's dying like us
where everything happens for a reason
Track Name: hallway and light
there's an accident
I’m in a straitjacket
I'm floating down halls
searching for the ground
no possessions, they could
hang me
it could strangle me
taking away my things and
sedating me

the fog on the windows never clears
you’re checking in again
yeah, I’m still here
so, find the right file
I’ll retell the story so
you can have more information on me
write in the dose, whatever you find fitting
the point is to learn to swallow what’s given to me

my mouth dried out
I fell on the floor feeling my way to the toilet bowl
all this time
I thought I was sleeping
scrubbing the concrete with my blood

this pain you inflict on yourself
over a battle that cannot be won
cracking the walls with your head
here’s the paperwork to come back to when you’re done
Track Name: beach 4
we set up a universe impeccably for a night
you triggered a world inside
by lying here with me that I've
tried to kill off

here I fear this is my place
behind these walls
I recognize myself
in these dreams that lay at my side
stripped white bones
Track Name: glass
the sea breathing in
I hit the sand
I blow down like a bag
taken in
thrown out
dragged back
and washed up again

out by sunset
hide away
a state of glass

scatter me
across your shores
lit up and burned
let go
my body in pieces as far as you can see
lie with me here
these slow seconds before the nightfall
Track Name: church of real life, turn now
soap and hair
white trash bags
change of underwear
relatively calm
less critical of things I say
I'm getting off those pills
those dreams I had while I was away
I don't know I figured
it'd be easier if I did
I don't know I guess I figured
it'd be easier like this
Track Name: order
in your attempts to make things pleasant
everything was masked and suffocated
in a grasp to cling on to
some illusion you’ve been chasing
everything must lead to some heaven or orgasm or
you’d have to bear the sight of what you are
yeah, it’s reality if you choose to live in it
not some fantasy you reinforce every second
but don't confront yourself with a thing
remind me again what it takes to be free

wash yourself and put on the clothes
for a delivery of lines, subdued and controlled
find a home, open the dinner
tell yourself someday it could be different
seek approval in a hundred places
find refuge in whoever’s faces
or build yourself up by whatever means
to drown out the silence with more frivolous things

do what you have to to swallow it
do what you have to to make sense of it

taking the pills I'm gonna get better
positioning this world at a universe’s center
find something to make you feel less alone
like it’s a switch you could’ve flicked off forever ago
max a credit card on booze and fall into a coma
and if you wake, you can fuck up with another persona
well, if you won’t get help then why do you keep on living
feeling sorry for yourself, you’ve got to be fucking kidding
you can't pay your bills, you won't get out of bed
or get a job, yeah, that is how pathetic I am

but what is it to you
you’ve made your money
had your fun
well, beneath the surface, honey
you know everything is gone
Track Name: permission to live
my skin starts bleeding every time I
turn over
another dream of spiders
all over me
a hundred eyes open and
reflect me
I try to run
their legs chase after me
well, you need to get out
I’ll take you to a party
put something in my drink
and I’m in a cage
splayed face down on the carpet
the floor will swallow me in a little while

the fire ignites itself
in the middle of the night
you are crying till you’re
out of air
so, this is the daylight
the light of day is so bright
that everything's exposed
get out of the mud and find your clothes

frightened, emptied out
pass around
a shaken state, shot
in a fog you cannot see beyond

and you don’t want stds in the bathroom
some virus waiting to spread
finding more passages to teach me
it’d be better if I were dead
if it’s still alive, we’ve got some work for it to do
pop it back in the microwave
it’s still too frozen to chew

the demons you've been crying about
preying on us in the dark
well, where are these things I’ve let into your house
I need some company for the night to
hold me tight

you will not eat at the table and don’t you touch the kids
don’t you ever try and look us in the eyes again
now that it's out that I’m subhuman
you can give away all my things,
turn on the television,
lock my cage

flipping a coin, this is life or death
what does it take to get off this show
the spectacle y'all were watching
through the holes in the door

lay me down before the lawnmower
I'm ready to be sacrificed for the greater good of the yard
no, I'm gonna save myself
thank god for my father
I'll run away in case one day someone loves me for like my heart

he's in las vegas for the night
bringing crabs home for his teenage wife
gag us in the back seat of the car
until we confess how lucky we are
you know we don't deserve you
so, who fucking cares
turn up the smooth jazz
molest the kids

place me on a tee and swing at me
get the golf cart and run over me
cold and lifeless in a fire
half-crushed moth
trying to go out a shut window
why not just finish it off

but I know I’m lucky to be kept around
I’m lucky to be kept alive

I’m sorry to hear of your troubles today
I haven’t been listening, but I’m sure it’ll all be okay
Track Name: christmas eve
I try to find the handle
to flush the commode
I dreamed
you cleaned the vomit off me
carried me to bed
you tucked me in
and left me a bucket to throw up in
christmas eve will find me
I'm on the pink-tiled bathroom floor and it's cold
Track Name: ascension
I fell to a place where there's always birds circling the sky
I wanted to feel something pass me by
living starved
desperate for anything I might recognize
crying because the world seems alive, but I'll never be a part

thought the chemical plants were geysers
blowing out from the earth
passed a stripmall shrouded in mist and started crying
I'm weak and I'm tired
there's nothing else to say
I’m going to die somewhere beautiful tonight
Track Name: ditch
going out, the full moon
everyone silent
a wave goodbye
one after one
the skin off everything
open eyes
secured to a bed in a room to starve out the land in the mind
take out the sky
I could feel my skull breaking as I tried to end the horror of being confined
burn out the light
and paint the walls a hundred times over
I sink into the blood on the furniture, a body with no one in
lit by the headlights, thrown out of the truck
a fire smothered by the tires
as much as I tried to love, I'm just another body for the hole
chained to the moon
I sometimes feel you, a sweat in the night
I remember
everyone turned away
nothing could be saved
the house burned down
under water
lord of life,
a deep hell
frozen over